It’s a night of a million thoughts—but this picture sticks in my mind. I guess it captures my life right now. Is it because things are so blissful or perfect? No. But the other day as we played with the camera’s timer feature and (all three of us) repeatedly rushed headlong onto the couch in front of the camera, we got a lot of funny pictures. Some were blurry with action, or had very fake smiles (witness Gracie above). Others caught us with our eyes closed. Still others caught us unprepared or distracted by a stubbed toe or the kitchen timer. And in the end, we got a number of really good pictures too. And I was just thinking that if you took random snapshots of my life and attitude, you would find much the same thing. In the course of capturing the really sweet moments—you would end up with lots of others too. Pictures blurry with too much running around, funny—even embarrassing faces, eyes closed to the blessings around me. Some would show me completely unprepared for what I’m facing, and probably many would catch me distracted from my purpose by discomfort or a myriad of tyrannical details. But then there are those others. And tonight is one of them.
Outwardly--my kitchen is messy. My family is sick. My creative inclinations fly about like Noah’s dove—with no place to set their feet. My writing ambitions far exceed my time or energy levels. Let’s not even talk about the toilets. My newly pregnant stepdaughter and friend live entirely too far away from us. I am completely unprepared for the school week ahead. Gracie talked me dizzy all day and I spent the whole morning oblivious to the most ridiculous hair day I’ve had in a very long time.
But that is only what shows on the outside. You see, I had time to pray tonight. Jack was content on the couch downstairs, the girls were snuggled together in their bed singing Deep and Wide over and over and over and. . . . I locked myself in my bathroom with my Bible, closed the toilet lid, pushed aside the dirty clothes, and sat cross-legged on the linoleum to talk to my God.
After a day of calling back and forth to one another as we “went about business,” I finally got to sit down and talk with Him face to face. We talked about my unruly dreams and my laziness as a teacher. I talked to Him about the concerns on my heart, and He talked to me about His. I thanked Him for many things—things just between us. It was a pleasure to know that He doesn’t mind my silly hair, or messy kitchen. And I remembered again why I love Him—because He first loved me! And that is so much more than enough!
So today, this picture is me. Today, you caught me smiling.
