Theology 101

Hannah is at that age when everything is black or white--there is no possible room for gray. Everything, everyone, every action--all worship God or worship Satan. Like Bratz dolls (or "mad Barbies" as Grace calls them. . .you guessed it--they worship Satan.

Three examples:

Our God vs. Satan discussion began early one morning, when she (the only morning person in our family) crawled in bed with us to snuggle. After a little bit, she quietly said, "Mama's and Daddy's heads are big and kids' heads are small, right Mom?" I managed an "Mmm hmm," in my semi-coma. [What time is it anyway? 6:15! What are you doing thinking at this time of day?] A few more minutes passed before she spoke again, "And God is right and Satan is wrong. . . .right Mom?" In a scratchy voice, I muttered, "That's right Honey," and had rolled over and was just about back to sleep. . .again, when she piped up one last time. "That's a lot of questions, huh Mama?" Now awake, I had to agree as she snuggled against me--fast asleep.

On the upside, we got anatomy and theology out of the way before even getting out of bed. I love home-schooling! [If we can just save physics and philosophy for after breakfast!]


Next, we progressed to this:
Wonderful workbooks. Simple lesson. Cut out the following pictures and place them in order. So I asked Hannah, "What are the bears doing in these pictures?"

Without pausing to even think, she stated in her most matter-of-fact voice, "Well, they're making a yucky guy to worship Satan."

All righty then. . .next lesson.

Finally, one night I sent Hannah upstairs to get her jammies on. After way too much silence, I ventured up to see what had become of her. She seemed to be nowhere until I finally found her sitting on the toilet lid in the semi-darkness of our master bathroom, legs pulled up with her chin resting on her knees. I said, "What in the world are you doing in here?"

"Well, she responded, I was just thinking for a little bit." With great self-control, I casually asked what she was thinking about. She answered, "Well I was just thinking that God made two kinds of animals--bite animals and no-bite animals. And the no-bite animals worship God, and the bite animals worship Satan." Momentarily speechless, I watched as she climbed off the toilet and trotted past me down the hall to her bedroom to get her jammies on.

URGES

Tonight at bedtime I asked Hannah if she had brushed her teeth. She said "yes." Suspecting otherwise, I said, "Let me smell your minty fresh breath." She quickly headed for the bathroom saying, "Oh, I better go brush." Since the truth seems to be a bit of a fluid concept for her lately, I took my cue and followed her to the bathroom. I confronted her about her lie and told her "You know, in our family we speak the truth--all the time. Lying will not be accepted--ever."

Tipping her head to one side and sighing, she looked me in the eye and with an oh-so-remorseful voice confessed, "I know Mom. . . . .but I just get these urges."

I managed to hold back my laughter long enough to finish with her and escape the bathroom, but I've been laughing ever since.

Still just 4 years old. But while she used to be 4 going on 13, she's now 4 going on about 27.

A Video Is Worth A Thousand Words

Actually, it's probably more than that. But really--take 4 minutes to check this out. This is one talented lyricist. You know me. . .if I thought I could say it better, I'd try. Enjoy!

Vocabulary Queen

The TV remotes are off limits to the girls. So is the TV unless they have permission. But the other day Grace thought she'd get smart and try to do it herself. Clicking away with the remote (facing backwards no less) she actually hit the right button and got the TV to change channel. Hannah jumped up and down excitedly exclaiming, "Grace, You're a genius!" Then she turned to me and added, "And you're a genius too, Mom!" Surprised at this new word, I asked "How about you, Hannah? Are you a genius too?" She tilted her little head to one side and thought about it for a minute. Then she rolled her eyes and said with a hint of disgust in her voice, "No. . . I'm just difficult."

Homophone Hubub

We have been enjoying a visit from Jack's mom, affectionately known as Crazy Grandma. She has been shopping, and playing and just plain having a good time with our little girls. Grace especially, has really taken to Crazy Grandma and wants to do everything with her. But when Grace asked her yesterday if she would take her to "buy some pears," we were all a little confused. We had talked about going for ice cream maybe, but pears? Still, she persisted. "I want to go look for pears with Grandma!" No one understood, and sweet Gracie still has trouble at times in getting her message across clearly. So we gave up for a while, but when she brought it up again, we asked her if she was sure she wanted pears. . .the fruit. "No. . .pairs!" she exclaimed, grabbing a pair of flip-flops out of her shoe bin and waving them in the air. "Pairs of shoes!"

Now that's Crazy Grandma's girl! I expect them home any minute. . .pairs in tow. Or maybe I should say, "on toe." Pun intended!

The Difference Between the Sexes

This is a pre-blog experience, but I had to get it down for posterity. (No pun intended.)

About a year ago my friend, Kelly, was watching my girls for the afternoon. This particular friend had a nearly 3 year-old boy and twin 18 month old daughters. With three little ones, going potty was pretty much a family event. . .so naturally my girls just joined the crowd. Now, since there are no little boys around our house, my sweet girls had no idea that boys' equipment was any different from theirs.

So, upon joining the bathroom throng, they were stunned to discover this new thing which Brody, (being a boy), proudly showed off. Noting their obvious curiosity, Kelly quickly jumped in with a simple, factual explanation and all went happily on their way.

Except my darling Grace. She always needs time to process new things and after some very quiet, thoughtful minutes she was ready to talk things over. Going up to Kelly, she summed it all up saying, "Ok. So girls. . .just have butts. . . .And boys. . .have butts with nuts?"

If You Can't Laugh at Yourself--Part 2

You Know You're Butt's Too Big When. . .

***This Post is Dedicated to You, Jen--from your old pal, B.B.B. Every one of these actually happened to me.

1) You can actually wear your maternity pants backwards for a whole day without realizing it.

2) Your pregnancy results in numerous stretch marks. . .all in the back!

3) You volunteer to carry the backpack on family hikes because you know if you let out the straps enough it will just rest on your "trailer," keeping neck and shoulder strain to a minimum.

4) The lawn chair you've been sitting in comes with you when you stand up.

5) Your daughter, helping to fold laundry, spies you new pink lace undies and gleefully snatches them out, waving them in the air and shouts "Mama! Did you get me a new dress?!?"

6) You can sit down and lean forward with your elbows on the table and your four-year-old climbs up and uses your fanny for her own little bench--that is, when two of you can sit on it at once!!

And if you haven't figured it out after all that, you most certainly know your butt is too big when:

7) Your 3 year-old (locked in the bathroom stall with you at Wal-Mart) gets around behind you and loudly exclaims in awe and wonder, "Mama! You have a BIG BUTT!"

[Sorry. No picture with this post. :0]